In an unexpected announcement, CBS today confirmed the coming launch of the "HD Screensaver" and "Boxcar TV" channels, launching soon on all its owned and operated stations.

The CBS official making the announcement noted the "huge, untapped market" looking for a 1080i screensaver for their HDTVs, and stated that he "look[s] forward to adding another [useless] subchannel" to the CBS O&O group. He also noted that the "Boxcar TV" channel, "will likely consist of a looping video of a boxcar being filled with cargo, intermixed with advertising."

The launch is expected to make CBS first major market owner to launch dual 1080i with dual SD, with no stations at all currently utilizing dual 1080i alone or in conjunction with additional SD subchannels. CBS previously announced the addition of a subchannel to its owned and operated stations in New York and Los Angeles in the third quarter.

FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski was pleased with the news. "I will not rest until the pristine HD picture quality Americans were promised for free as part of the digital transition is a distant memory, along with competition in the cell phone market," he said, making note of the recent announcement of a merger between AT&T and T-Mobile. "My high-paying job after leaving the FCC depends on it."

Estimates suggest that the new networks already rate higher than NBC's "Nonstop" subchannels, despite not yet being launched, but the picture quality of the "HD Screensaver" network is expected to be competitive with that of NBC Universal Sports.

Response to the announcement was mixed, A comment from an anonymous Fox employee was horrified. "We use our splicer technology to ensure the same picture is seen on all of our affiliate stations. Except, of course, the ones that bypass it."

An ABC employee who asked to remain anonymous told RabbitEars.Info, "I don't see why they don't simply simulcast the HD Screensaver channel in SD instead of launching that boxcar channel. We're doing it with Live Well and the benefits can't be counted." He later clarified, "that's because there aren't any."

An official with PBS affiliate WYIN took it one step further. "I don't see why they don't simulcast their main CBS channel in HD and SD in addition to all these subchannels. It's working just fine for us."

Frequent HDTV message board commenter Rammitinski's head exploded upon hearing the news. He was unable to give a comment.

But a staff member at Tribune-owned CW affiliate WPIX had only positive things to say about the news, comparing it to their own station. "The possibilities of extra subchannels are so endless that they cannot possibly be seen. People watching stations with those subchannels have their eyes get blurry with excitement. Our viewers certainly know all about that."

Sunshine Broadcasting, owner of WARP-CD in Tampa, also praised the move. "Nothing says high-quality local programming like subchannels. My station proves that."

Plans call for the CBS-network affiliates in the O&O group to launch these additional subchannels, with the CBS official noting that, "the demographic that watches CW is much too valuable. We do not wish to be indifferented to death if we make such a change to those stations."

When pressed about whether the launch of the "Boxcar TV" service in particular was a sarcastic response to Chairman Genachowski's "empty boxcars" comment, CBS officials snickered and said, "No, of course not. Wherever would you get such a ridiculous idea?" They later commented that the service, lacking things like sets, writers, and actors, would "be more cost-effective than actual programming," and based on the history of reality shows, "would likely win several timeslots."

The new subchannels are expected to launch some time shortly after the launch of the Dot2 network.

Happy April Fool's Day, everyone. =)